There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

Extract from “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd

This morning was different, going through my daily routine I actually sat down to have my usual cup of coffee, huge cup of light roast with yummy cream. We’re usually so busy through the day that we, I, rarely have much time to play, think, read or even to unwind. No matter how hard I try I usually end up walking around the house in the mornings with my coffee in my hand and end up leaving half of it in the bathroom, top of the TV or even in my closet. Of course, the morning is not the ideal moment to unwind but today I was suddenly hit by time. In the past couple of days I have re-connected with someone I care for very much and realized that we had not spoken for more than over a year… a year. I do admit that I’m responsible for the distance and the lack of communication but it’s just a part of life, the things we do, the decisions we make. So as I sat down this morning with a pensive mind, I suddenly began to wish that I could go back in time, not only for a week or two, years would be nice… Although I’ve never had any regrets in the decisions I’ve made, there are a few things that I wish I could have done differently. I think it’s one of the worst feelings, the fact that we can’t go back and change things about our past. There’s always something else we would have done, something we should have said, a place we should have seen, people we had to seek, conversations we should have had, kisses that should have happened… feelings that had to be expressed and many “I’m sorry”. So maybe this re-connecting is not so bad, it’s the closest thing to being able to rewind and change things, it’s an opportunity to think things over, the chance to say you’re sorry, smile and move on…

It’s 4:19 pm and I’m at work all puzzled up and stressed out with the longest “to-do” list, I have back to back meetings all week, a million and one things on my mind and I’ve had a migraine for days! At home I’ve totally lost control of daily house-work and I haven’t cooked a meal for my kids in weeks! Under pressure and writing up a contract to meet a deadline my cel phone rings, my son is stuck at school and does not have a ride home. I’m miles away through rain and heavy traffic and I need to stop what I’m doing to figure out how he can get home safely. At the same time I have my daughter online chatting me about there being no food at home and telling me she’s starving… she also adds that she needs to pay online a couple college applications and I’m short of money. So I manage to get my son home, transfer some money for pizza and find a way to pay the applications online. I’m exhausted… yet I keep moving because I know that my home and my kids depend on what I do and the choices I make every day. I give my everything in anything I do, I get to work way earlier than I should and I’m always trying to learn and be on top of my game. I’m so darn responsible that I’m not good at reacting at any hint of the opposite, but I like who I am and what I do, it’s been a long road to get where I am today and therefore I cherish every minute of it. Life hasn’t been easy and yet I smile and I struggle to move on and make things better. So once my day is over I manage to get home after driving past the supermarket quickly to get a few little odds and ends. It’s almost 8pm and as I walk through the door I find my son fast asleep, sigh… never got to say goodnight. My daughter is in her room stuck on the phone without having eaten or done her homework so I work myself up into a frenzy and give her a piece of my mind. I’m in a bad mood so I walk into the kitchen and work on the dishes so I can do some laundry in time to lay down and rest. I’m beat… laundry can wait for another day, TV is on and five minutes later I’m passed out. I never got to say goodnight to my daughter… tomorrow is another day…

“I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought.

Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert!

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!

Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas’, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium.

These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can’t swallow! All the usual symptoms…”

Quoting Iris from the movie “The Holiday”
- never saw it from the beginning until today, just HAD to post the introduction to the movie, so appropriate for some of the stages I’ve lived through in my life. Funny how you find these quotes when you’re already past learning your lesson…