Last month Oprah decided to give us answers to some of the biggest relationship dilemmas. I’m sure all of us have been in at least one of these situations, if not all of them (like me LOL) so hey, if there’s one that hasn’t hit you yet, I combined their answers with my comments just in case you need help you along the way.
1. I’m married and exhausted. Sex or sleep?
According to therapist Paul Glovinsky, BOTH is the answer, not because of the sex but because of timing, mostly because men crash like a mighty oak whilst us ladies lay awake and fume lol. The advice? “If you can time things to coincide with the time of day when you’re at peak energy, your sex life will be significantly more satisfying.” Remember sex in the morning? Weekend naptimes? We must never be hesitant to have sex because in the end, the average encounter is only around 20 minutes long. (hah! Funny!) Therefore, the resistance might be a reflection of our lack of satisfaction with the sex, fear of intimacy, performance anxiety, anger about something or any other issue. (sounds fair to me but I don’t have this problem haha!)
2. My clock is ticking. Settle for the guy I care about, or hold out for The One, who may never show up?
Aaaaah, the million dollar question!! Marrying Mr. Almost The One is perfectly admissible. “If someone is your match in 75 to 85 percent of the things that are important to you – values, character strengths, how he treats other people, emotional fitness – that’s not settling.” I did sometime back believe that I had found my “one and only soul mate” but hey, I wont get into that. I guess it’s up to us to infuse â€œgood enoughâ€ with energy and passion so that it becomes fantastic. That with some good strong chemistry and things can work for sure.
3. I’ve met a great guy. He never calls. Should I call him?
According to Steve Santagati, “It’s 2008. You can call,” eeekkk, not sure about that one, I don’t think you should lol! Confusing huh!? I think this is one of those occasions where we need to fully apply our female intuition. If you’re not sure that there was an equal attraction and strong chemistry, don’t bother, you’ll just put him on the spot and then you’ll feel like crap for picking up the phone in the first place. I say just let him initiate plans, and if you do decide to call, the way he responds will give you a clear idea if you have a future together or not.
4. He’s married, but he says he’s not happy and it’s ending. I should stay away, right?
“Run as though you’re fleeing a burning house, which I fact, you are!” LOL, I like that, run crazy girl!! Just the fact that he’s married and hooking up just shows you that he hasn’t put enough distance between himself and his problematic relationship. I know this one particular subject has many parameters, ifs and buts, but if you get involved, he’s just going to subject you to all his issues and you’re going to be a wonderful dumping ground. Touché!
5. When, if ever, is it a good idea to try again with a guy whose heart you’ve already broken?
Ask yourself this, can pigs fly backwards? According to matchmaker Janis Spindel, it’s a case-by-case scenario, but statistics show that it doesn’t usually work. If the failure was unrelated to your attraction or personalities but caused by outside circumstances (like distance for example), then its ok to consider. People don’t change, I think we all know that, or should know! If you clashed for some reason or have un-solved issues, its pretty much going to be the same the second time around. If you do consider going back, just take some time and analyze what went wrong the first time, assume a similar dynamic will arise again, and then determine whether that dynamic is feasible in your current life.
6. I love my partner, but the sex is underwhelming. Stay the course or go?
Phew, run again! lol According to Oprah’s answers, don’t do either. Sex thrives on risk and surrender, and you’re probably missing one or both. The suggestion? Think about the things that turn you on in the deepest ways, the things that make you feel most loved and cared for. What kind of touch? What words? What kind of pacing makes you feel the most affection for your partner? Tell each other, no matter how wild or tame your desires might seem. When the two of you are unafraid to be naughty and vulnerable together, the experience can be amazing. Hhmm, I guess that sounds fair, if it doesn’t work, go! LOL