Old stories… Part 5

Ok so I’m back to publishing parts of a little old journal I found stashed away somewhere in my closet. It’s been bittersweet reading, it’s been hard to share but for some reason I felt I had to put it out there so I’ll continue publishing until I’m done…

JULY 1st, 1992 - “Today is the 1st of July 1992. I am sitting in my apartment, a married woman and mother of two children. My daughter Francesca is almost 11 months old and baby Kyle is only days old. Max and I got married on May 23rd this year and we are still living in the apartment with my brother Guy. 11 days ago Kyle was born, he looks just like Francesca but with darker skin! At this moment my life has become very difficult, I’m facing a lot of obstacles at the same time. I stopped working a while ago and it’s very hard to get through my days, weeks, months with no money. My mom got very upset at me when she found out I was pregnant again but now that Kyle is here she seems to be taking it a little better. My grandmother, my Nana, she didn’t talk to me for over a year when I was pregnant with Francesca so I haven’t even told her about Kyle. My relationship with Max is ok, every day I wish we could have our own place. For now we’re ok, emotionally and physically. But with money, things are very bad, the pits. Things got hard with my operation, the extra expenses… I hate always feeling so unstable and having to be constantly looking for money and trying to save to make ends meet. I feel bad, I’ve always been a hard worker and I used to earn good money, sometimes enough to even spend a little on myself. Everything seems to be falling apart around me all the time, and with every situation I just feel helpless and stuck. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe some day things will get better, but problems just keep knocking on my door over and over that my life seems to be wasting away and drifting as time passes by. Some days I feel that one day I’m just going to collapse, but being the mother of two tiny kids I just can’t allow that to happen to me right now. I have to be mentally and physically well to take care of my children and that’s what keeps me going every day. I am very aware that I chose a very hard path in my life, but I’m really tired of the constant unexpected. I think that if Francesca and Kyle weren’t with me right now, I would have certainly given up long ago. They bring so much joy and love into my life that they keep me on my feet. I need to work hard and staying sane every day, have the strength to search for the answers to each brick wall I encounter and have the ability to be the best mother I can be to my kids”.

Like it? Be kind enough to share it...