Old Stories… Part 9

Ugh… here come the ugly stories of my life, but it’s all live and learn right?

AUGUST 14th, 1995 - “Many things have changed since I last wrote, I’ve realized that life is all about change, among other things. Ever since Max and I got back together I’ve been drowning in doubt every day. Obviously something big drove us apart once and it could easily come back again. The other day Max asked me a question that left me thinking, he asked me if I wouldn’t have had Francesca if we would still have stayed together and gotten married. To be honest, I don’t even want to think about it because for a split second I had the greatest impulse to say no. Yesterday something really bad happened, something he promised he would never ever do. Max slapped me and threw me on the bed to hold me down in the middle of an argument. I totally flipped and went hysterical, I just couldn’t and still cannot believe that it happened. To make matters worse, and I’m even embarrassed to say this but I really saw this coming way back long ago. So many times that our arguments have gotten heated he’s come at me threatening not to provoke him. So… now, the question is, what do I do? I want to go, but if I go, I get the feeling I have to go far far away. And I promised something, I promised him I would never give up again and leave.  And then, there’s the kids… for them, I can’t leave, but things have changed. I don’t trust Max, in anything, not that I really ever did but as his wife I really tried. This hurts, he’s threatened me so many times with taking the kids away from me that I just prefer to stay put and live with it before loosing the two most important people in my life. I still really haven’t thought about all this yet, I just can’t digest it as I should. I need to find the way, I need to find the strength, I need a new beginning.”

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