The answer to my “Why?”

why.jpegWhy? is a big question we often ask ourselves… my dog died, why? I can’t find work, why? I’m unmotivated, I’m too skinny, too fat, nothing ever works out for me, why, why, why? It’s always so easy to say “everything happens for a reason”, I’ve been told that one too many times and I myself had said it to other people too. It totally makes sense though, of course things happen for a reason, it’s a part of life right? My dog died because she was old, someone can’t find work because they aren’t really looking… I’m fat because I haven’t been taking care of myself and so forth.

Some things we have control of, others not and that’s where the “why?” becomes a real bummer. If you’re a return visitor of my blog you probably know that the last month for me has been a very weird string of incredibly stupid decisions. Because of a silly misunderstanding with my former boyfriend I freaked out, because I freaked out I broke up with him… because of the breakup and my 40th birthday I made a spontaneous trip to Toronto which turned out to be one of the worst trips of my life. Because of all this, I ended up coming home early, without being able to get my boyfriend to take me back, with a couple of less friends and a huge hole in my wallet.

I mean, once I was back home I knew for a fact that all of this had happened for a reason but I just couldn’t figure it out and I thought I never would. Thinking back on my life I realize that I have learned many lessons, every bad experience, every stupid decision, every stage of my life has allowed me to learn something new. The lessons, good and bad, have made me grow and yea, I guess I can pretty much say that they make me who I am today.

So back to my question! I lost jobs, friends, money and I lost my boyfriend, the answer to my “why?” should be a hell of a good one after all that… and it was. See, for about a year I’ve had this idea of doing some charity work, I’ve been wanting to organize a collection of second hand clothing for extremely poor people in Costa Rica, specially children. 6 months ago I was pretty sure that I was leaving Costa Rica and moving to Alberta, it was our plan and I’ve never looked forward to anything as I was looking forward to this. Because of the breakup, I’m guessing that’s just not going to happen and it’s taken me a while to really understand why (there goes that word again) and accept it. As I arrived back from my awful trip to Toronto I suddenly sat at my computer and without much thought I mapped out the charity event, I created the logo, the text, opened the Facebook page and got it going.

Turns out that our first collection of donations this May will be pretty big and that alone is the answer to my “why?”. Seems that I had to be upset enough to run off to Toronto, and things had to screw up there for me to come home and be frustrated enough to get this going. The fact that I lost my relationship for this to happen, that still makes me a little unhappy and I’m hoping I’ll learn the “why?” to that one eventually. As for the rest, it’s all clear now, again I have come to understand why things happen, there’s always a reason, a lesson… and this one will be as fulfilling as ever!