It’s been a while since I’ve taken the time to write here, you know, not counting videos and lyrics and other people’s writings. The past couple of months have been of change in my life and I thought it was a great time to jot it down and remind myself about it for the future… It’s been about a month that I’ve been running my own business at home and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Life is full of choices I believe and sometimes we get stuck in situations that make us grieve, but we’re so scared to step out of the ordinary that we just become a settling coward. It’s a decision, it’s a choice and it’s a chance, but it’s up to me, or anybody else, to make things work for themselves. I made the decision to step away from a very hostile work environment and make the change for myself. Today, I’m happy to say that I’m relaxed, spending my time with my kids and re-learning to enjoy my family, my friends and home again, taking care of it, taking care of me. Life is good to me, I can complain every now and then, but… life is good to me, that’s all I can say. What’s next? I’ll soon be flying up to California for a couple weeks to take a nice long road trip, no plan and no known destination. From L.A. to San Francisco, maybe Vegas and even maybe Utah… I love it, life has to be spontaneous sometimes, brings back the fun into the routine. I’m happy, once again I’ve made a big decision and come clean out of it… and it feels great. Soon I’ll be posting pics from my California trip, can’t wait!!
Ah… my song of the month, lovin’ Kings of Convenience
You ever had one of those moments where you listen to a song and you stop what you’re doing and it suddenly makes you stare out the window? You begin to get images of special moments, words said, places, feelings, gestures… and you just, sigh! This song certainly does that for me!
Today… more than ever, I feel a strong urge to stop and roll the dice again in my life. The world is crazy, the economy, wars, strange global climate and thousands of dead people in the poor country of Haiti. Today, more than ever, I close my eyes and wish that I could actively be part of the change… so easy to say, so hard to do. Read the rest of this entry »
So I’m back with my little journal… I’ve lost track a little there for a minute. Life has gotten a little complicated lately and I rarely have time to write, this journal stuff is basically copy/paste so I’m covered for a bit. Being a single mom is not an easy task, and I hate that it sounds so cliché. But some days, no matter how hard you try and how dedicated you want to be there’s is always something that slips through your fingers. Right now, I miss being with my kids… I feel I’ve lost grip and its made me feel down, not a good feeling. Life goes by too fast, they grow fast, I hate not being there when they need me. So anyway, tonight decided to come back to my blog and post a little more…
DECEMBER 16th, 1994 - “Been a long time, my life has taken many steps, and so far all have been for good. Max and I separated, I couldn’t take it anymore, the emotional abuse, the temper, the harshness. For too long I was trying really hard not to end up like my mother-in-law but somehow we were walking in the same steps as she was. Max was working 24 hrs a day and even the little time he was home it was like he just wasn’t there. He didn’t like me working and he was terribly obsessive about money… the kids didn’t even like to spent time with him after a while. Talking just didn’t help anymore, I just had to do something… so I walked out. During this separation a lot of weird things happened and I realized that I was easily replaceable. So we got back together again. Today… Max still lives convinced that during our separation I cheated on him, an accusation that came from someone that quickly began dating after I left. Life is just not the same. I have learned a lot… I have learned that I married someone who constantly lies, to me, to my kids. I learned that I married someone whom I cannot trust. So we moved house out to Escazú thinking it would help the relationship and began to visit a therapist and then had to quit because Max didn’t want to pay for it anymore. It helped, a little and he’s trying… helps me more and he’s more open to conversation. So life is kinda good, could be worse I guess… life is teaching me a lot of lessons, hard ones.”
Ugh, just before I began to type this post I went back and re-read all my “journal” entries, they all sound so depressing, makes it sound like my life has been the worst experience all along!! I’m certainly a “moody” writer, and painter, for that matter… it’s usually in moments of dispair that I’m compelled to sit and write down my feelings, an outlet I guess… Anyway, think I’m about half way through posting this little old journal so let’s move along cuz the worst is still to come LOL
JUNE 1st, 1993 - “This is the 7th time I get a hold of this journal to record events of my life. It’s sad to notice that very rarely they are positive entries which sucks, I guess it’s always in bad moments that I feel the need to jot down my feelings. Two weeks ago was my 1st year wedding anniversary. Now a days to be married for a whole year certainly makes you feel deserving of a prize. Needless to say, it has been a difficult year for us as a family, as a couple, it’s been a hard year for me. I started working again and there is not a day that goes by that I’m not wishing that I would have been able to finish my university studies. Max continued with problems in his back which kept him in bed for more than 3 months. During this time I had to do everything at home, the working, the earning, paying bills, taking care of the kids, the house, every little detail. Francesca is already in kinder and she has grown and changed so much, doing a lot of things for herself, she talks so much, about anything and everything. Kyle is growing so fast, he will be 1 year old in a few days and he’s crawling around touching everything and just about to let go and start walking! Life is ok…”
